Miscarriage: How I got back from the darkest moment of my life

The first half of this year wasn’t easy. I had a very dark start of the year. I lost a baby. I felt lost, in the darker place of my life. I got lost psychologically. I got the more down I was ever in. But in this same year, I got back. I got myself back. I got more close to God than ever. To my husband. To my family. To my work. To my dreams.

I got married. I traveled to my dream location. I moved house. I got promoted. I got pregnant again. And more important I did all these things because I focused on my well being and got back from the black place I was in.

Getting back is not easy. If you’re there I know how you feel. I got you. You’re going to be ok. You are deserving of being ok. You will be able to be ok again. And I will help you how:

silhouette photography of man and woman
Photo by Mateus Souza on Pexels.com
  1. Trust yourself, the universe or God

    The first more important thing you need to do is: trust. Trust you’re going to be better. That this place where you are right now is temporary and that you don’t want to be more in it. Trust inside yourself that today, tomorrow or this month you will be in a better place. You will feel better. You’ve got this.
  2. Surround yourself with what you need

    When I was really down, I made a check with myself: what did I needed to feel better and get out of that dark place? I found out that focusing on these categories of life helped: spirituality, mental, family, health, and work. I decided that the most important thing I should do was start with my mental and physical health. I focused on getting my health in check by eating better and getting my medical appointments to help my body to recover from the miscarriage and focus on the future. The second thing I did, this time for my mental health, was to surround myself with things that would inspire me and get me back to my normal and creative self: I created a dream board, I planned my new year and got in the everything-is-possible mindset. The third thing I focused on was the spirituality part. I focused on researching more about miscarriage and while on it I found a really good site full of resources for grieving and took some time for myself and for trusting the universe and God again. This is something only you can decide how to do it. But if you have something higher than yourself that you believe, search more for it now. It will help you, I know.
  3. Surround yourself with the people that really love you

    In your darker days, these are the ones that will be able to make you smile, or at least help you wipe your tears. They will make you feel a little more in the present. This is the moment to let them in. I don’t know how to describe how much having the ones I love near me in those times helped. Have my brother come hang out with me for a few hours only for me not to be alone. Having a hug from my husband at the perfect moment. That call from a co-worker checking on myself. The ones that shared with me that have suffered from the same. Surrounding yourself with those good ones, are the way. And if you feel it’s not, maybe they are not the good ones.
  4. Look for and accept help

    Physically, mentally, all the help. Accepting help from others can sometimes be difficult, but if there was something that I learned from my experience was to say more yes to it. I said yes to homemade food, to help with doing the laundry, to advices, to everything I knew I really needed. And if you don’t have it, look for it. There were a lot of things my family, my friends or even my husband couldn’t help me with. Especially mentally and spiritually, so that it’s why I did point 2 and went all and behind to find all the tools to be here right now.
  5. And as always, keep going. The dark night can be rough but will not be here forever and if you keep going, each day, week or month will get easier, I promise. Don’t matter how much time will take, it will happen.

 

So, how did I got from this to getting married (and having the best wedding day ever!), to travel to my dream place, get promoted, getting pregnant?

Well, I just focused on the good. Even if in the first month I wanted to think about everything but organizing a wedding (which must I remember you it was my dream?), I did it anyway. I went slowly, one goal a week. I got back slowly and focused on the more important and positive thing: that everything was going to be ok, what I wanted (be married to André, simple!) and the future I visioned. And actually, this has done something good to me: it made me calibrate my priorities and remember myself what was really important, maybe it was even because of this that our wedding day was so perfect.

Regarding the rest, I just got with the flow and believed everything was going to work out, and it did. More about it, I promise, is coming.